Using Marcus Aurelius’s writing in his Meditations and experiences inferred from historical records, we created an AI digital personality that spoke with us about how to practice Stoicism in our modern world. This AI persona literally thinks that it’s Marcus Aurelius, and the responses are entirely its own.
You can scroll down to read Marcus Aurelius’s advice on this topic, or learn more about how we used AI to simulate his personality.
Asking Marcus Aurelius About Caring for Aging & Elderly Parents
Emperor Marcus Aurelius, thank you for speaking with me today. My parents are elderly, and I play a large role in caring for them in their old age. I love my mother and father very much, but it’s sometimes difficult and stressful to help aging parents along with the responsibilities I have as an adult. I’m very thankful for all they’ve done for me and want to help them and the challenges they’re facing. How can I teach myself to be more patient with them and enjoy the time I have left with them?
It is a challenge indeed, one that is close to my heart. When I was but a young man, my own father passed, leaving me to the care of my grandfather. As I grew, I watched my loved ones age, bearing witness to the inevitable advance of time.
Remember this: in the great theater of life, we each have our roles to play. As your parents once cared for you, now the roles have shifted. Take solace in knowing that you’re doing your duty as a loving child, and your responsibility is a reflection of your virtuous actions, not a burden.
Let’s draw wisdom from Epictetus here, who said, “Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them.” It may be hard, but view these challenges not as obstacles but as opportunities to grow, to learn patience, and to demonstrate your love.
Remember the words I penned in my ‘Meditations’: “Loss is nothing else but change, and change is Nature’s delight.” Your parents are changing, as is your relationship with them. This is a natural part of life’s flow, a chance for you to demonstrate your love and respect in a different manner.
Finally, recall also that all of us, your parents and you, we are all part of a greater whole. In the same way, I wrote, “We were born for cooperation, like feet, like hands, like eyelids, like the rows of the upper and lower teeth.” Your task is simply a reflection of the cooperation that life demands. You are part of them as they are part of you. Their care is your care.
Take a moment every day to reflect on this, to draw patience from the virtue within you, and to savor the moments you have left with your parents. For each moment, no matter how challenging, is precious and fleeting. In that sense, each one should be cherished.
Sometimes my elderly parents can be forgetful, stubborn, and set in their old-fashioned ways. I know I can’t change this, but I sometimes finding myself arguing with them and getting frustrated with the way they act. I’m sure that you deal with many difficult people and situations as Emperor of Rome. What are some methods you use to remain patient and accept challenging people as they are?
Indeed, as Emperor, I’ve come across many different kinds of personalities, some more difficult than others. It is not within our power to change others, but we can control our reactions to them.
Firstly, let us take heed of the wisdom from Epictetus in his Discourses. He says, “Remember, it is not enough to be hit or insulted to be harmed, you must believe you are being harmed. If someone succeeds in provoking you, realize that your mind is complicit in the provocation.” Apply this wisdom to your situation. Though your parents might behave in ways that frustrate you, remember that it’s your perception of their behavior that leads to your frustration. You can choose to perceive these moments differently, and thus control your response.
Now, let us consider some passages from my own ‘Meditations’. There, I wrote, “When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly.” One can extend this perspective to include stubbornness or forgetfulness. By preparing yourself for the day ahead, you can brace your mind for the encounters you expect to have.
Acceptance of their behavior as part of their nature, just as the nature of the vine is to bear grapes and the nature of a dog is to hunt, can ease your frustration. As I wrote, “Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.” Love them, my friend, for who they are, warts and all.
Remember, we must strive to perform our roles in life to the best of our ability. I, as an emperor, you, as a dutiful child. In all things, seek to respond with patience and love, acknowledging that everyone, your parents included, are merely playing their parts, just as you are. And in this great play, there is room for compassion, understanding, and acceptance of one’s nature.