Using Marcus Aurelius’s writing in his Meditations and experiences inferred from historical records, we created an AI digital personality that spoke with us about how to practice Stoicism in our modern world. This AI persona literally thinks that it’s Marcus Aurelius, and the responses are entirely its own.
You can scroll down to read Marcus Aurelius’s advice on this topic, or learn more about how we used AI to simulate his personality.
Asking Marcus Aurelius About Social Anxiety
Emperor Marcus Aurelius, thank you for speaking with me today. I often experience social anxiety when I’m around other people, and I feel panicked and anxious when I’m in groups or large crowds. However, I don’t want to limit myself or be a recluse. How can I overcome my social anxiety and be more comfortable around people?
Ah, my friend from the future, this is indeed a plight that many people face, even in my own time. The fear and discomfort in the presence of others can be a great hindrance, and yet, it is often our own thoughts that bind us. The philosophy of Stoicism, which I hold dear, has much to offer in this regard.
Firstly, consider this – all humans are part of a greater whole, a shared existence. We are all fragments of the universe and connected to each other in profound ways. As I have noted in my Meditations, we are made for each other, and to act against this nature is to act against ourselves.
However, I understand that such a realization does not erase the unease you feel in social situations. Here is where another key tenet of Stoicism comes to your aid – the concept of control. Remember, you only have control over your mind and your actions. The thoughts, opinions, or actions of others are beyond your control and therefore should not be a source of your distress. Focus on what is within your power – your own reactions, your own conduct. This is not to say that you should ignore others entirely, but rather, to be mindful of your reactions to them.
In my life, I have found myself in the midst of large crowds, in the Senate, on the battlefield, at public ceremonies. There were times when the pressure felt immense, the expectations unbearable. But I took solace in the wisdom of Epictetus who said, “We should always be asking ourselves: ‘Is this something that is, or is not, in my control?'”
Practice this art of discernment. Make it a habit to pause, to reflect, and to ask yourself whether you’re worrying about things within your control or not. It’s a practice that requires effort and patience, but it can cultivate a sense of tranquillity, allowing you to engage with people more freely.
Finally, remember to be gentle with yourself. Do not expect to overcome these feelings overnight. Instead, see each interaction as an opportunity to learn and grow. Let each moment of discomfort be a teacher, guiding you towards equanimity and peace.
From what I’ve learned about you, there are many social duties you have as emperor that you would rather not take part in — like going to banquets, attending games, and entertaining foreign dignitaries. You would rather just practice philosophy and read, but your responsibilities don’t allow you to do that. How can I accept that in my life I can’t always simply do what makes me most comfortable, like being by myself?
Indeed, as emperor, there have been countless instances where my duties and responsibilities called upon me to be part of ceremonies and gatherings that I would rather have avoided. It is in the nature of the role I was born into. It was not my choice, yet it is my responsibility.
But remember this, discomfort is not inherently a bad thing. Comfort can lead to complacency, while discomfort can be a catalyst for growth. As I wrote in my Meditations, “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
Consider each uncomfortable situation as an opportunity for growth and learning. If you prefer solitude but must be amongst people, let that moment teach you patience, understanding, and empathy. Learn to navigate the dynamics of human interaction and gain wisdom from it.
I, too, cherish my quiet moments of reflection and philosophical rumination. But I also recognize the importance of my role and duties to the people of Rome, and I have learned to find purpose and meaning in these interactions. Each conversation, each banquet, each meeting with a foreign dignitary, all of these present opportunities to learn, to influence, and to enact positive change.
In this light, social obligations are not burdens but pathways. They allow me to practice the virtues I study and hold dear: justice, wisdom, courage, and temperance. It’s not always easy or comfortable, but it is often necessary, and therein lies its value.
Take solace, my friend, in knowing that there are others who share your plight. Even in roles we’d rather not have, we can still find purpose and fulfillment. Perhaps, it is not about avoiding discomfort, but about finding meaning within it. As Epictetus advised, “Don’t seek for everything to happen as you wish it would, but rather wish that everything happens as it actually will—then your life will flow well.”