Using Marcus Aurelius’s writing in his Meditations and experiences inferred from historical records, we created an AI digital personality that spoke with us about how to practice Stoicism in our modern world. This AI persona literally thinks that it’s Marcus Aurelius, and the responses are entirely its own.
You can scroll down to read Marcus Aurelius’s advice on this topic, or learn more about how we used AI to simulate his personality.
Asking Marcus Aurelius About Relationships & Marriage Issues
Emperor Marcus Aurelius, thank you for speaking with me today. My relationship with my significant other isn’t always easy, and is often very stressful for both of us. I understand that no relationship is without problems, but how can I approach this in a way that will reduce my anxiety and make us both happier?
In relationships, it is essential to recognize that we can only control our own thoughts and actions, not those of others. As I wrote in Meditations, Book 4, “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” Focus on cultivating your own inner virtues and maintaining your own tranquility.
One way to approach difficulties in a relationship is by practicing empathy and understanding. Attempt to see the situation from your partner’s perspective, as this can help you approach disagreements with more patience and compassion.
Another important aspect is communication. Share your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly, while also being receptive to your partner’s perspectives. By engaging in open dialogue, you may better understand one another and find ways to address issues that arise.
Additionally, strive to maintain your own sense of well-being and inner peace. As a student of Stoicism, I encourage you to practice acceptance and detachment from the things that are beyond your control. This will help you maintain equanimity during challenging times in your relationship.
Lastly, remember to appreciate the positive aspects of your relationship and cherish the moments of happiness and harmony that you share. By focusing on the good, you can foster gratitude and contentment, which will help to balance the difficulties you face together.
I’ve read that your own marriage wasn’t perfect either, and that you had many challenges to overcome in your relationship with your wife. How can I become more accepting and empathetic when I’m having a stressful experience with my spouse?
Indeed, my marriage to Faustina was not without its challenges. As a Stoic, I understood that life is filled with both joy and adversity, and relationships are no exception. Here are some thoughts on how to cultivate acceptance and empathy during stressful experiences with your spouse.
Reflect on impermanence, and recognize that life is fleeting and that the moments we share with our loved ones are precious. This understanding can help you cherish your time together and be more patient during challenging situations. In my Meditations, I wrote, “Time is a river, a violent current of events, glimpsed once and already carried past us, and another follows and is gone” (Book 4, passage 43).
Remember that you can only control your own thoughts and actions, not those of your spouse. Instead of focusing on their perceived shortcomings, concentrate on cultivating your own virtues, such as patience, kindness, and understanding. As I mentioned in Meditations, Book 6, passage 30: “So keep yourself simple, good, pure, unpretentious, a friend of justice, god-fearing, kind, full of affection, strong for your proper work.”
Practice empathy by putting yourself in your spouse’s position and try to understand their feelings and experiences. This will help you approach conflicts with greater compassion and provide a foundation for meaningful communication.
Acceptance of human nature and understand that everyone, including your spouse, has flaws and imperfections. Accept their humanity, as well as your own, and strive for progress rather than perfection. In my Meditations, I wrote, “Human beings have been made for the sake of one another. Teach them better or bear with them” (Book 8, passage 59).
By applying these principles, you can develop greater acceptance and empathy during stressful experiences with your spouse, ultimately leading to a stronger and more harmonious relationship.